The Smash Men
by DianaGohan
Summary: In An Alternate Future Filled With Crime And A Nuclear War Looming Only One Team Of Heroes Can Fight Against the injustice. Will they save the world or end up part of the biggest most disaterous joke of all time?


The Cast Of Smash Brothers Looked Up At The Title Of The Story Confused for a second.

"What in the hell is this?" Snake asked.

"The newest story idea" a figure stepped out revealing to be they're authoress DianaGohan.

"You really should be working more on Night Of The Werehog: Brawl Edition" Meta-Knight pointed out.

"Well I'm doing that too but I also really want to do this" DianaGohan.

"Uh, is this just an April Fools Day joke or not?" Link asked.

Diana shrugged. "Could be. I mean it is a pretty weird idea but I wanted to at least try it out. Maybe see if people are interested in it before actually going through with anymore."

"You know this seems like a pretty lame parody idea for having such an intense sounding title description" Marth pointed out.

"Quiet nancy boy" DianaGohan said as Marth frowned. "You're probably not even going to be really in this anyway. I only need a few pinnacle cast members for this anyway." DianaGohan looked at a sheet of paper. "Okay first thing first: I do not own Smash Brothers, Watchmen or anything else shown here. Besides myself. They belong to Nintendo and DC comics and I'm just using them without profit." DianaGohan threw the paper away. "With that being said it's time to start gathering the cast. First up, we're going to need a comedian."

"That'd be me you hooligan" Mr- Game and Watch came in. "Back in my days I knew how to tell jokes to all the dinosaura-"

"Yeah I'm putting you back on Silent mode" Diana said taking a remote and putting Game and Watch on mute as he tried whining but was pushed in the background. "Besides the Comedian isn't about being funny. He's about being a lampoon on the outlandish believes of society, shooting down protesters and raping fellow team members."

"Does he get a lot of a money?" Wario asked.

"Well he does work for the Government so-"

"I'm you're a man" Wario said pointing at himself. "Government workers get paid the big bills. Besides-a he actually sounds like a hero who isn't a big a pansy."

"None of the Watchmen heroes are pansies, except maybe Nite Owl II" Diana observed. "You do know you die in the beginning of the film and only are shown in various flashbacks throughout though, right?"

"If anyone tries a killing me off I'm going to toxic a fart in they're face" Wario said waving his butt to the others.

"Quick! Make him the comedian and start the film to a kill him off!" Mario screamed out.

"I'll do a few of those things." Diana snapped her fingers as Wario's attire changed to dark purple boots, a black shirt with two blue stripes on it, a shoulder bad with a white star on it and another with red and white lines going through it and a black mask. Wario was also shown wearing black gloves as he smoked a brown cigar blowing smoke around the room-"

"Wait a minute, since when did this take place in a room?" Pikachu asked.

"Quiet I'm trying to set up ambiance here" Diana yelled out. "Okay we've got The Comedian. Now we're going to need a Rorscharch. And considering he's the bad ass of the series we're going to need a bad ass to play him."

"Well guess that'd be me" Snake said crossing his arm. "I'm the only damn badass in this tournament."

"Well either you or Meta-Knight" Diana said pointing at Meta-Knight. "And Meta-Knight already has the mask."

"You're going to give it to someone's who only stands a freaking foot tall?" Snake asked. "That's retarded."

"Size does not matter" Meta-Knight said pointing his sword at Snake. "Furthermore what makes you think you're more apt to play this part then I am?"

"For one thing my codec briefings can be similar to journal entries. For another, I actually off people in rather R/M-rated ways in my own series. And thirdly I'm you know the actual height for the role as well as the no nonsense violent personality for it."

"Well you could act like quite the sociopath" Meta-Knight admitted.

"I'll take that as a compliment" Snake then smirked some. "Besides you can't be a true bad ass unless you actually have an ass which I doubt you even have."

Meta-Knight gruned as Samus went and picked him up. "Don't listen to him Meta" she said hugging him. "You have all the ass I need though we are far from being up to that part of our relationship."

"Thank you for saying that" Meta-Knight then hugged her back before turning to Snake. "Very well you can have the role though you do realize you too will die at the end."

"... Crap I knew I forgot to watch the end of something" Snake muttered.

"Too bad" Diana snapped her fingers as Snake wearing black shoes, blue pants, a brown trench coat and brown fedora hat. "And now for the finishing touch". A mask appeared on his face. Specifically the Mask Kriby mask that constantly shifted to various patterns.

"Hey dosen't this make me act like an evil asshole?" Snake asked.

"Well it will help you get even more in character then" Diana looked around. "Okay now we're going to need a Nite Owl which means probably one of you birds" Diana pointed over to Falco and Falcon.

"Uh I'm going to pass on this" Falco said walking off. "I've seen enough of that movie to know that you're version is just going to totally screw it up."

"Hey it might only screw it up partially!" Diana then looked to see Falco had left. "Fine, leave then!" Diana turned to Captain Falcon. "So will you be my Nite Owl?"

"Does he get any action?" Falcon asked.

"Yeah actually. He does get it on with Silk Spectre-"

"That's all the motivation I need" Falcon said saluting. "Besides now I can show people my superhero skills are on par with my super racing skills."

"Ironically you will get to taste both doing the film" Diana snapped her fingers as Captain Falcon was shown wearing a brown cape and cowl, a gray spandex costume with brown boots, a yellow utility belt and a red mask."

"Hey this outfit's pretty cool" Captain Falcon said looking down. "And I have a utility belt just like Batman."

"Yeah well when it comes to riches, gadgets and secret idenity and the whole bird theme that'd be Nite Owl. Badassness though goes to Rorscharch."

"So long as booty goes to me who really cares?" Falcon asked as everyone groaned at this.

"Speaking of booty it's time to cast the main female role in this story" Diana looked over at the female characters. "So it will have to be one of you girls."

"I refuse to be in this debacle unless I get to play someone who destroys male oppression with fire bolts of fury!" Zelda raged.

"Yeah none of that here."

"Oh oh I'll like do it!" Peach said hopping up and down.

"Sorry Peach but you're too cute and innocent to have to go through the tragedies all these guys have to suffer through." Diana pointed out.

"Hey how come she gets special treatment?" Ike asked.

"Cause she's my fav so nyah!" Diana stuck out her tounge. "Besides for Silk Spectre we're going to need someone who looks good running around in fanservicy spandex.

Everyone turned to Zero Suit Samus. "Oh don't you guys look at me" she warned taking out her paralyzer gun. "I know the people Silk gets spun around throughout the film and I'm not going to either of them."

"Well too bad, you're the best choice for sex appeal and other reasons I'll think of later" Diana snapped her fingers as Zero Suit Samus was adorned with a yellow and black one piece mini dress which showed an ample amount of cleavage, white knee high boots and a small silk yellow cape going down the rest of her costume.

Captain Falcon whistled. "Man hope I get some of that."

"You do" Diana pointed out.

Captain Falcon held out a fist smiling wide. "Nite Owl keeps getting better and better".

"Yeah keep dreaming. No way i'm getting stuck in this part" Zero Suit said trying to rip off her attire but found herself unable to. "Hey!"

"Hey yourself. You're getting the role. End of discussion" Diana then looked over at the others. "Okay time for main Watchmen Number Five. Ozymandias. We're going to need someone who could pull off not only the world's most intelligent man but also being the scheming mastermind "villain" of the storyline."

"That looks like the job for the lord of all evil!" Ganondorf shouted out.

"Uh you're a bit too retarded for the role."

"Only because you screwed with my intelligence" Ganondorf scoffed.

"Be that as it may Ozmymandias is looking to end nuclear war and bring about world peace which means none of you villain types would feel right playing it."

"Well to be fair I am trying to bring about peace" Wolf stated. "A "peace" in the universe ruled over by me."

"First off you're already a main villain in another story. Secondly you aren't really looking for peace. And thirdly you don't look good in yellow and purple. Which means the one suitable for the role is Mewtwo." Diana looks around. "Hey where'd he go?"

"I think he tried dodging out of this story" Pikachu pointed out.

"Oh no he isn't!" Diana snapped her fingers and teleported Mewtwo in.

Mewtwo gazed at her. "Though I do feel I would make a decent Ozmandias I do not think you are the right person to parodize this movie using us-"

"Hey you said you'd be decent. That's good enough for me" Diana then snapped her fingers again as Mewtwo was adorned in a yellow and purple costume with purple boots, yellow leggings, a yellow belt, purple shirt, a golden yellow chest piece and yellow ring around his head."

"This is why I do not even bother wearing clothes" Mewtwo said looking down at himself.

"Get use to it." Diana crossed her arms. "Now that we've got an Ozmandias we're going to need a Bubastis to randomly cameo near the end even though his creation is never explained in the movie due to the fact they didn't go with a more futuristic alternate earth scenario."

"Wait isn't this the comic variation of the characters?" Link asked. "I mean isn't that why they're wearing the comic attire not the movie one."

"Well it's a... mix I guess." Diana pointed at Ivysaur. "Point is you're turning into our genetic engineered lynx."

"What? why me?" Ivysaur asked.

"Cause you're the only full quadruped in the game that's why" Diana pointed out.

"Got you here Ivysaur" the trained stated.

"Shut up you" Ivysaur was then transformed into a more red Lynx looking creature. "Ugh this sucks".

"Hey at least you don't have to wear this ridiculous attire" Mewtwo said motioning down.

"Hey there's only one "guy" running around naked in here" Diana said making finger quotes. " A blue naked figure with the ability to warp reality and excludes more power then you could really comprehend?"

"Oh a gee, I wonder who a that could be?" Mario asked rolling his eyes.

"Yeah it's pretty obvious we're going to need Tabuu to play Dr. Manhattan."

"IT IS THE ROLE I WAS BORN TO PLAY" Tabuu said teleporting in. "ONE WHERE I COULD EASILY CRUSH YOU ALL WITH THE SIMPLEST OF GLANCES-"

"Yeah while questioning you're humanity throughout the entire time and exiling yourself when you thought you were giving people cancer" Fox pointed out.

"SILENCE FURRY OR ELSE I WILL GIVE YOU CANCER OF THE EXPLOSIVE VARIETY!" Tabuu threatened.

"Cool it with that. You need to get in costume." A circle appeared on Tabuu's head as he turned a slightly lighter shade of blue. "Well that was easy."

Luigi turned to look at him. "Yeah he-a barley changed at all... oh god what is a that?" he asked as everyone turned away.

"What? I have to be faithful to the source material which means he's got to have... you know what down there".

"Wasn't this suppose to be rated T?" Ike said covering his eyes.

"I don't even know why you're closing your eyes Ike" Diana observed. "I mean I thought you-" Diana barley avoided a sword slicing her head off. "Okay okay I take it back! And I guess I'll give him this." Tabuu was shown to be wearing pants much to everyone's relief.

"BAH, YOU ALL COULDN'T OF HANDLED MY SUPREME WANG OF DOOM ANYWAY" Tabuu scoffed.

"Well technically Zero Suit will have to for awhile" Diana pointed out.

"Technically I'm going to KILL you for this" Zero Suit pointed out.

"Too bad. Now that we got our main cast I can give details on the plot-"

"Hey what about the supporting characters?" Link asked.

"Uh, we can find them over time. Anyway essentially the plot is a nuclear war between Nintendo and Sony looms over everyone in the 1980's and the only hope is for someone to find out whose killing off The Smashmen heroes before Armageddon annihilates all of you. Pretty simple right?"

"Uh I guess, if this was an actual you know story" Marth gazed around. "And I'm still not sure of that."

"It better be one" Falcon whined. "I want some action. Of the fighting kind and the even more important kind."

"Well it will be up to the fans" Diana pointed at the audiences. "Review and tell me if you want a Smash-Men actual parody line or think this is just a fairly weird April Fools Day joke. Either way let me know what you think of this story and uh... stuff.


End file.
